Questions, Thoughts and Tears

So my friends had some questions. I felt like it's best to probably answer them here.

How do I deal with jealousy?

With my husband I don't feel jealousy. Our love has been strong for 8 years. I know him better than I know myself. Love struck me hard. How could I be mad at him for feeling the same way I do? That wouldn't be fair. I won't say it didn't sting a little. We are freshly married (11 months) but I know in my heart that our love will last. Always. Another person adds to that. If not then they won't be allowed to be apart of us. Being apart of us is a privilege so we take it seriously, as we are fucking awesome people. Seriously.

On the topic of seeing other men, sleeping with K's interests:

I have no interest. My love for a man is fulfilled with my husband. He completes me in a way no other man can. Most men are only interested in a quick lay anyway, so it's not hard to reject them. My husband knows me and my body perfectly. I could if I wanted, I have permission from my husband. I just choose 99% of the time to not. 

Who was this for?

We both talked about it. Honestly, I think in my mind it was more for me. However, seeing his joy and emotion....it might have been just as much about him. My need and desire to be with a woman is powerful. I've been with a few sexually but only loved two. Both have rejected me. One with, I never liked girls, that was a phase. The other with, you aren't important unless you're buying me stuff. See I LOVE LOVE LOVE to spoil the people I'm with. Buying stuff, making stuff, cuddles and kisses. I'm a freaking catch. (of course I have issues too but so does playboy and everyone likes that)

Who am I?

I'm not really Amber. It's a decoy. Yes. And an inside joke. so is Brad :)

Ending thoughts:

Today sucked. This trip sucks. I miss my husband and my baby being at home. It's our home. It's peaceful, it's my way or gtfo. I miss that. 

Today also sucked because K has decided to take a step back and see if this is what she really wants. While I find it hard to hear and to deal with. (Crying sucks) I must deal with it. It hurts me to my core that I opened up so freely to someone and I feel rejected. I'm not saying I was rejected but right now I can't help how I feel. It's more complicated but it's her business not mine to put out there. So for now, I'm giving her time. However, time doesn't heal all wounds it just mends them until the next hurt.

Love and tears,

Amber (aka me!)